Another sporadic post. Sometimes songs just say it better. And I come back to this one often. Wish you could hear it instead of just reading it... may seem like another classic Christian song... but the words and the music become more than that to me.

When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing's done
And the whole world seems against me
When I'm rolling in my bed, there's a storm in my head
I'm afraid of sinking in despair.

CHORUS:

Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what you're bringing me will
Change my life and bring you glory &

There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.

You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I'm amazed & the power of your will
Cuz I'm a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget your grace
And you say, "Peace, be still."

There on the storm I am learning to let go
The white wave's high, it's crashing o'er the deck
And I don't know where I go
Where are you Lord, is my ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?

There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of the Will that I just cannot control
There may I see all you love protecting me
I thank you Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.

--Calmer of the storm
--down here

march 7

So I lost a post I was writing last week... we'll see if this one goes better. Still have mixed feelings about the whole blog thing but here goes.

I feel like I ask questions about money a lot lately and would hate to think that it is becoming a focus. I just want to learn and like to talk about it with people who are willing and who i feel like can impart some wisdom in financial matters. I read a Dave Ramsay book The Total Money Makeover. An easy read and some good stuff about eliminating debt and "living like no one else so later you can live like no one else" AKA don't buy a Tacoma right yet even though you really want to. (ok so it involves a lot more than that, but I would love to have a truck in my driveway... but paying off student loans and investing/saving for a house is a little more of a priority right now.) Suze Orman was also recommended to me and I am currently looking at her books online. I guess my point is that I want to be wise about my finances and I want to learn about everything... investing, saving, giving, planning without being over the top... etc... but often I feel like I don't know where to start. Ok put some money in a mutual fund- how do you go about picking one? holy moly. and all the jargon- whoah. Any advice?
**Don't get me wrong, I don't have much money to throw around, but I want to be wise (faithful?) with what I do have.

On a different note, the post I lost was a thought I found in an old journal I was looking through recently. It is a random sort of journal, and it makes me wish I did that consistently. Regardless, this stuck out to me:
"we are more bothered by physical suffering and sickness than by sin."
made me think.

fun in the cold winter sun

There's nothing quite like playing outside in the 15 degree weather and feeling like it is refreshing and beautiful! (at least it was above zero!) Got to spend some time in the snowy outdoors with my dad and my niece. Snowshoed a bit on the lake and in the woods with Dad too- so enjoyable.

Looking forward to heading to Beaver Falls on Thursday. It has been too long. It will be good to be in one of the places that has been so important in my life and moreso to be with people that I miss. I'm sure it will be a little strange too... things change over time... which is good and healthy but can be strange too. But some things stay the same. And I think that's ok too.

needing others

I have been reminded lately how much I need people. I need family. I need friends, and I need community. It's not just something that is nice to have or fun but it is a true need in our lives. God created us that way. Even in the midst of experiencing losses and struggles with people in our "community"--those we come to need and love most-- it's still so precious. I miss one of my closest friends who moved far away last week. People keep moving, and this one is the hardest. I feel like a piece of me is missing, and it hurts. I feel like that sounds silly or that I should "suck it up." I am excited for him, but we both had a hard time with it. Even worse is the frustration of seeing cancer rear its ugly head over and over again in the lives of people I love. Friend moved Tues, found out Wed that someone special to me has cancer, and Sunday a friend of our family passed away after a fairly long battle with cancer. These things deeply sadden me... and truthfully, it's hard not to become angry (again) at cancer and it's marked prevalence. In the midst of this past week, a dear friend said to me "apparently you just need to live in a hole and not love so many people." She was clearly not being serious, but I remarked "well that wouldn't be any good." And it wouldn't.

More thoughts later... maybe I'll be back for a bit...

big happenings in Maine

So you might think I am a geek for posting about this... surely someone will be interested. This past weekend, I went to see what all the hype was over a new bridge in Bucksport, Maine. Formally titled The Penobscot Narrows Bridge, it is quite something, especially in the heart of rural Maine. So, you may ask, why spend 84 million dollars on a bridge in the middle of nowhere? But don't jump to conclusions so fast! In fact, it will bring many dollars to my state as well as provide spectacular views of the surrounding beauty. No, it's not all about the money. The old bridge (apparently quite something in its day) is literally falling apart, and many trucks, not to mention tourists and Mainers, travel that route. Another cool thing I just learned: it was built by two Maine companies (with outside engineering help I believe). It has an observatory (only one in the U.S. and one of only three bridges in the world that have one!)... this part is fashioned after the Washington Monument. It is a cable-stayed bridge- you can read about that on the websites if you are still reading this! So... 84 million is a lot of money, but it is huge for our state, and I do think it will be a good thing in the long run.

You should at least click on the link to see a couple pics.

reminder

One cannot stay on the summit forever -
One has to come down again.
So why bother in the first place? Just this.
What is above knows what is below -
But what is below does not know what is above

One climbs, one sees-
One descends and sees no longer
But one has seen!

There is an art of conducting one's self in
The lower regions by the memory of
What one saw higher up.

When one can no longer see,
One does at least still know.

Rene Daumal

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I'm still here... just didn't have internet for a while... I was thinking recently about the notion of "coming off the mountain" and came across this poem. It's a good reminder of the necessity of that as well as the reason for going in the first place.

excellent